I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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