Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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