some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
