I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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