You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
