I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
