she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
