we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
