Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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