just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
