we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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