Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
