Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
