my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize