I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize