oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
