if you like me you must not know who I am
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
