Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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