i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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