We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
