She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize