Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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