I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
