Is it because I queefed?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
