You can't motorboat a personality
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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