True but thats because hes a fetus.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
