is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
