oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
