I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
