I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
