I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
