i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I want her autograph on my taint
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
