I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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