i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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