She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
