I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
