On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
kristin has been a bad kristin
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
