My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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