Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
