Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
