we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
