you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
