Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
