apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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