sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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