someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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