I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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