alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
