Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Randomize
