I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
