a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
