I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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