I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
