I cut my penus on the lid.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize