Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize