guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
