yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Its about making memories worth repressing
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize