Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What a dumb baby whore.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You made out with two different species that night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
