Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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