Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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