dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
