remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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