If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
bring money and cleavage
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
