Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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