i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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