drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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