yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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