I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
