porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
