You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
