You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
