she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
