I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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