Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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