with your own penis?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize