just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
