i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
