I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Someone came in the potted fern
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
