We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So squirting runs in the family.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
