I looked at my own cervix.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
