I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
