I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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