Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
