he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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