i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
