Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
