I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
