What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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