she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
