So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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