Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
