no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
