I wanna bring you to show and tell
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
