Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
