Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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