DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
