You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize