Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
