Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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