Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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