Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize