Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
