he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
