I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
ugly people sure do ruin things
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
whose ass print is on the piano?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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