clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
