I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
