You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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