We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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