She is in my trunk
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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