Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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