btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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