your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
