Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize