I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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