Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
