I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
