So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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