im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
