I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
