So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
