i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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