A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
