I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
