: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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