Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
