Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
