you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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