so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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